we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
