A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
