Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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