I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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