We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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