enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
