He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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