do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
