she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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