Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
