i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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