I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
