so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize