I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
We're too hungover to prance.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
