I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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