the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
