I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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