I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
