we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
