Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
