I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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