just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
