there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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