she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i drank out of a bidet.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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