too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
