Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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