so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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