Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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