A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
