I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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