You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
