the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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