1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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