I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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