he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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