What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
We had to coat check the pizza.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
