He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I touched a dick in church today
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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