You're my little dorito
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
the condom got lost in my hair
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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