You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
