we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
