she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
