i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
