dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
