I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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