College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I have fence marks all over my body
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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