Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
