I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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