this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
