...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
