You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
