Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize