She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
