im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
