So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
