So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
