You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
