Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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