Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
It was confusing and full of hummus
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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