Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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