How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
