Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
