Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
