We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
