Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
