this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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