I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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