i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
