I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
