this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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