Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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