She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Your cock deserves a montage
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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