my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
