Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I forget how to act sober
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
