All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize