Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
